| | "i guess xanga is a good place for me."
it might be bad. but i find that if i write about my girlfriend on mixi, she might read it and feel uncomfortable or starts questioning. so i found my privacy, xanga.
for the past few years. i see myself trying really hard to be mature and to be an good adult. i find it uncomfortable to be considered young or just a kid. but i am!
so as i was thinking hard about it last night. it all boils down to work place and respect.
at work, if you look older, you are sometimes considered skillful. the opposite is pretty obvious, fucking newb. i'm not saying that i'm super good. but i these perceptions that i'm still a newb only from my appearence. i get that in every work place i go to.
and so therefore, i had to act and be mature. showing them i can handle things on my own and showing them i can do all the tasks that they can also do.
so outside of work, i wish to be to the one who is considered as a respectable friend. not just a fucking aquintance that is good to drink and fuck around with.
then i find myself trying hard to get along with older people. showing myself that i'm in the mature catagory than just some kid who still fucks around and cannot have a intellectual conversation.
then it all boils down to relationships. is that why i like dating older woman? woman in their mid 20's? i start thinking that i'm such a hypocryte in times like these. trying so hard to be someone(thinking its a good thing) to show myself and others that i'm not incapable or not trust worthy.\
anyhow. i'll find my equilibrium soon. and by the way, i figured out my insecurities from my last blog. not all, but i can much understand a lot of the issues now. i'm working on it.
ciao. and thanks again xanga.
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| | Posted 8/11/2008 1:51 PM - 3 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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